Thursday, April 10, 2008

So many questions

In my previous post, I shared that I had made the decision to move forward with this incredible woman I had met. So everyone knows, that wasn't an easy decision to make and it was not one made lightly. This is not something I would ever suggest someone doing. I had to have a complete peace about it before I made it. Which is a little difficult when you are torn in so many directions with thoughts, emotions and so many unanswered questions.

I'm not sure if I can fully explain the feeling, but I will try. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was not to let her go. Although it didn't make sense to me then, because it went against everything I knew, I knew I was suppose to hang on to her and not walk away. I remember saying to myself, "yeah, but....., yeah, but". Although there were so many unanswered questions and fears, I was scared to make the wrong, not scared-petrified. Petrified that I was going to hurt and disappoint so many people, petrified that I was going to go to hell and take others with me. I mean, come on, this went against anything I read in the bible.

There were a lot of things to consider and a lot of people to think about. How was it all going to work? What if it doesn't work? What about the kids? What about the ministry we were involved in? What will people think? Did I just make a decision that was to doom us all? Have I disappoint ed God again? Could I still serve the Lord and be with her? So many unanswered questions.

Although I was scared, I was shown that all the details would be taken care of it. Everything would work out. That was a bit unsettling and comforting all at the same time.

We made a decision to move forward but we didn't know how. She was married. This was not to be taken lightly. I believe marriage is to be taken seriously with the intent and the motive in ones heart to love and serve each other every day, for the rest of their lives. So, regardless of the circumstances, this was terribly hard.

Through a chain of events that had taken place though, things seemed to work themselves out, without us doing anything. In order to share this part of my journey, I would have to include a few other people and disclose the details of their life and I don't feel it's appropriate to do that. So, to keep it short, their marriage ended and understandable so. Shortly after that decision was made, while the papers where being filed, her soon to be ex-husband and her sat down, prayed with each other and released one another from that marriage.

But, for me, that still seemed to be just the beginning. There were still so many unanswered questions.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed reading your posts and hope you will continue to keep us updated. It brings my heart joy to know that things worked out in a way that could bring you two together. I wish you much love and happiness and look forward to hearing how it all progresses as you try to clear the hurdles. Thanks for the comment you left to my post. Yes, there are many ways to define "longing". I long to be free to be the person I really am...I also long to be able to love someone with all my heart and know that love is returned. And then there is the lustful type of longing, but fulfilling that longing is not the reason I wish to be free. I appreciate so much that you understood the difference.
Looking forward to your next post! :)