Thursday, May 29, 2008

What's goin' on!

Some have asked, so here you go! Highlights of my life in the last 30 days.

I'm a stay at home mom now! WOW! It's an adjustment, but I love it!

I got the privilege of teaching our 5 year how to ride a bike.....without training wheels! She hit a tree twice, cried and then said "I wanna do it again!" I love that child! She is now officially riding on two wheels.

Working with our 8 year old on how to hold, swing a bat and hit a softball. She has a great stance! Both girls have been going to softball camp this week, so they should be pro's by their next game.

How blessed am I that I get to share in these great moments with them!

I had a wonderful Mother's day! My first one. Cute little homemade cards and little gifts. Michelle's ex-husband, who is in another country right now, called that day to wish us a Happy Mother's Day and told all of us to go out to dinner, his treat. I thought that was sweet.

I mentioned before that my Mom's reaction to me still being gay was one that was comforting. That was her initial reaction. It has been sort of a uncomfortable, bumpy, rocky road for the last 6 months. I think I will share more about this in a separate post but for now, let me just summarize. It became hard on her, she has spent much time working through the fact that I'm still gay and the many things that come with all of that. I think her biggest concern though has been me becoming the person I once was. I can honestly say that I wasn't living a life that was pleasing to the Lord.

The Lord has comforted me so much in this time. Where I have wanted to jump in and help her and my step dad through things, I felt that I was to leave them be, allow them to work through things on their own, in their own time, in their own way and in the meantime, pray and trust that the Lord will work things out.

There were some uncomfortable moments, sad moments and things said throughout that time, but just last week, my mom and I sat down together and she shared with me something the Lord had shown her about me being gay. It was something He had also shared with me in such a perfect time. It was something that makes me tear up each time I recall it. The way His tender, gentle, majestic voice spoke to both of us weeks apart from one another. I believe my Mom has a greater understanding of the love Michelle and I share, as I do too.

This has also been a time for them to get to know more about one another. My Mom just loves Michelle, thinks she is pretty incredible. (Me too!) One of the things my Mom had mentioned when we were talking is that she is noticing that I'm not the same as I was before and things seem much different. She commented on the fact that Michelle and I seem to have a healthy, loving relationship and life together.

I believe our actions and how we live our lives speaks greater volumes than any words ever said in trying to prove a point to someone.

We just had my Mom, step Dad, brother, Michelle's Mom and some friends came over Monday, we shared a meal together. That was the first time they all came over, together. It was wonderful. Things and people seem to be coming together.

We have been coming out to others when it's time and of course, when others find out. Reactions have been different, you can never predict how one will react. I have lost some friends and have also gained some new ones.

Michelle remains incredible, phenomenal. So many times, she leaves me speechless with her selfless love. She has been busy with the church, making new connections and preparations for the next two years in seminary.

With all the upcoming changes, we have found ourselves having some wonderful opportunities to have some dialogue with other Christians who have looked at things much differently than we do, mainly with the topic of homosexuality. They have been challenging conversations, yet I have seen the love of God prevail and Christians come together regardless of differences. I always find it refreshing when this happens.

I am seeing the great work of the Lord being done, beliefs being challenged, (my own included), religion being set aside, people coming together, hearts opening to the endless possibilities of God and His great love for all His people, Jews and GENTILES alike.

I see more and more of His call on my life and Michelle's. I try to keep my arms and heart wide open to receive.

For Hope... has published a post titled "For Hope".

If you are out there Hope, we would love to hear something from you. We miss you, we hope you are doing well and we will continue to keep you in our prayers.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Two questions

1.) What does "love one another" look like to you?

2.) What does "love thy neighbor" look like to you?

Wednesday, May 7, 2008


I cannot even begin to express how much comfort, encouragement and support I have found in my reconciliation journey through

If you haven't been here yet and you are attempting to reconcile your faith with your sexuality, go there. It is a safe place where you find Anita, an amazing, wonderfully gifted woman of God, who offers so much comfort, wisdom, support and encouragement. You will also find others who can relate and who share their stories.

Recently she has encouraged folks to take a 4 day challenge. A challenge that has helped me find a greater peace and freedom than I have ever had before.

Again, it's

Go there, get encouraged. GO and be blessed.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

You're not welcome here anymore.

No more!
I'm done.
Go on.
You are not welcome here anymore
You have been here far too long and you are not welcome here anymore.
I will not take another punch, another kick or another slap.
I won't be bruised by your condemnation any longer.
I will not take you pushing me, tugging me or toying with me anymore.
I will not dance for you any longer.
When you try to tell me that I'm nothing,
when you try to tell me that I am disgusting,
I will not hear you because I will no longer listen.
I will not listen to your voices of condemnation,
because I know I'm His, washed in His blood, set aside and filled with His love.
I will take your abuse no more, I'm kicking you out and shutting the door.
You take up too much space, too much thought and you waste too much of my time.
It's time for you to be moving on.
You are not welcome here anymore.

If you have a problem with this, take it up with the Master.
Hit the road Jack and don't ya come back no more, no more, no more, no more.
Hit the road Jack and don't ya come back no more.... Whatchoo say!
Wow. That felt good.
His love covers me,
His love fills me,
His love holds me tight.
I will fill my heart with His truth and live in His light.
I know He adores me and I believe He loves me..... just as I am
For those moments that we forget we are beautiful and when we forget we are His.
When we doubt that He loves us just as we are and when we forget that He adores us.
For those moments we struggle hearing Him because the voices of hatred, doubt & condemnation has drowned out His loving, gentle voice.
I'm learning to say........
"You're not welcome here anymore."

Thank you Lord for loving me, for beckoning me & asking me to be as you've made me.....yours.
Praise you.
For anyone reading this, I apologize for the lack of paragraph seperation. I have tried to adjust and fix the problem, but no matter what I do, it doesn't seem to work on this post.